My 11-year-old daughter is hosting a couple of friends for the Ghost Train theme park, and I get to play chauffeur and chaperone. But I was also handed a list of rules on how to "pretend to be normal" so that I don't embarrass her, including not chauffeuring in my rusty Subaru or rustier truck.
1. Do not say howdy.
2. Do not wear sweatpants.
3. Drive Lexie's car.
4. Carry a cell phone at all times.
5. Do not say stupid stuff.
6. Act like a banker.
7. Do not make alien noises.
8. Do not fall asleep.
9. Do not wander around aimlessly.
10. Do not talk to my friends except saying stuff like "Did you have fun" or other 'normal' things to say.
11. Do not wear strange things from dumpsters.
12. Make small talk.
13. 'Organic' and 'natural' things are banned.
14. Only drive where we tell you to drive.
I can hardly wait!
P.S. She also gave me a script of what to say to the moms of the girls who called asking about the invitation.
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I keep asking mine if I embarrass them yet....apparently, I'm not trying hard enough. But now I have a list of wonderful ideas. Thanks!!
ReplyDeleteHaha, just wait until "Drop me off here and pretend you don't know me. And, can I have some money?"
ReplyDeleteMy 13-year old daughter is disturbed by the fact that her friends actually seem to like me. You can't win!
ReplyDeleteBeen there....still doing that with four teenage boys!
ReplyDeleteNo alien noises OR aimless wandering? I'd lose my mind!
ReplyDeleteWe endeavor to persevere. It's the banker thing I will have the hardest time with. How do they act? Rich? Cologny?
ReplyDeleteOk, that is one of the coolest posts ever. I feel like I know you much better now, Scott.
ReplyDeleteHaha, that's awesome.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Love the list. It gave me a good laugh. Thanks!
ReplyDelete-Neal
I should start a "Sh*t My Daughter Says" meme. It's much more interesting than my blather!
ReplyDeleteHa! Love it.
ReplyDeleteYou could have fun with #6 though...
That means dinosaur noises are okay! You'll be fine.
ReplyDeleteBy 5 o'clock, I've only broken five of them, and only four of them deliberately...
ReplyDeleteI think a sh*t my daughter says blog would be awesome.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me so happy I didn't reproduce. There are some perks to being an old maid. Like wandering around aimlessly in sweatpants, making alien noises. These things are actually expected of me.
Scott, this made me laugh. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a cool dad. She will see that someday.
Too funny. I could see my son doing something like this. Great list, by the way.
ReplyDelete"Do not wear strange things from dumpsters." - Scott, I knew you were weird but that tops it. No wonder you have such a large selection of . . . let's say unusual hats. LOL.
ReplyDeleteChrista
Anne, I practically live in sweat pants! Don't know about those noises, though!
ReplyDeleteJ.R., at least I was the one who got to lead the group...
Draven, my favorite was when she told me "Somebody HAS to be the world's dumbest scientist..."
Christa, I got my first real wardrobe out of a dumpster, somebody was moving out apparently. I still have some of the clothes...
Great post Scott. It's our duty as Dads to embarrass our daughters.
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ReplyDeleteHowdy Scott! This is one of my favorite posts of all time. Sounds like she probably needed to define "normal." How many rules did you wind up breaking? I would love to see her script for responding to mom calls. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing, Regge and Brenda! I think I broke about nine of them, including "Act like a banker." But I may have moved over into the realm of the "cool parent" with the other kids, if not with my daughter.
ReplyDeleteCan't say howdy? I hope you're being paid well for this gig. :D
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